i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
