well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
