is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sorry my hands just texted you
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
