I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
