She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
