Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
