I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
