people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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