Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i love accidental penises.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
