FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
