i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
