Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
