I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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