too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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