i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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