It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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