Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
