I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize