I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
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I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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