Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
