Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
