I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish you could order shots online.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
