Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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