omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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