you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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