I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize