I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
