Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
