In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
