just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just puked most of my soul out..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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