Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
