I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
