I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize
