is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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