I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
