he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
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Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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