I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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