I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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