It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
ttyl tear gas
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stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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