Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
