Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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