iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Damn victory sex feels great
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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