Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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