No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
