.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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