im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
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There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
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And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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