I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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