you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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