Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
