But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
