I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
