ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
