what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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