her vagine was all disorganized.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
