I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
