If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
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One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
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Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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