Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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