Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Randomize
