these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
