don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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