I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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