I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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