He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
