Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
