NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
