you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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