the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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