I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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