this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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