Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
